Time in a Bottle

by Amy McGarry

Welcome to May! As May is the month we celebrate Mother’s Day, it seems appropriate for me to reflect on motherhood. This May is especially significant to me, as a mother, for a few reasons. First, this Mother’s Day, I have the honor of sharing my experience as an “older” mother on stage at an annual event called “Listen to Your Mother.” Yes, I’ll be waxing nostalgic with daring attempts at humor at the Bing Crosby Theater. This benefit features a lovely group of women sharing stories about all facets of motherhood. Please consider joining us May 10, at 7 p.m. And it’s for a good cause to boot! Proceeds for this event benefit Embrace Washington, which is a non-profit organization supporting foster children. Tickets can be purchased at:

gotickets.com/listen-to-your-mother 

tickets-center.com/listen-to-your-mother-at-bing-crosby-theater 

This May is also significant to me as a mother because my daughter turns 17 years old at the end of the month. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but moving on to 17 from 16 feels especially poignant to me. Maybe it’s because of all those songs I heard growing up. 

Remember John Mellencamp’s “Jack and Diane?” 

“Hold on to 16 

As long as you can 

Changes come around real soon 

Make us women and men.” 

Oh, the heartfelt angst when we belted out those lyrics as teenagers. Hearing these lyrics on the radio every day during junior high school convinced us that 16 was the end of youth. After 16, we would be adults. 

Or we can go way back to childhood with one of my first memories of a movie experience, “The Sound of Music.” Remember when the 16-year-old Liesel von Trapp has that sweet gazebo encounter with her crush, Rolf? He assures her that, as a 17-year-old, he’s mature enough to take care of the poor, helpless Liesel. In the “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” duet Rolf sings: “Timid and shy and scared are you Of things beyond your ken You need someone older and wiser Telling you what to do I am seventeen going on eighteen I’ll take care of you” 

(We won’t talk about just how in the end of the movie Rolf winds up “taking care of” her). 

I could write a whole book just about the songs that feature a 16-year-old girl. Seventeen years old…not so much. I mean, Stevie Nicks famously sings about the “Edge of Seventeen,” but I recently found out that’s actually a song about her uncle and John Lennon dying at the same time. 

So, in my attempt at helping my daughter “hold on to 16 as long as (she) can,” I can’t help but reminisce about when I was 16 going on 17. Like many high schoolers, I turned 16 my sophomore year and 17 my junior year. With a fall birthday, I was one of the oldest in my class. 

With a late May birthday, of course my daughter would be one of the youngest in her class. But I also made the mistake of letting her skip kindergarten. The year she should have been starting kindergarten, she started first grade. Which, of course, made her really young for her grade. So, when I try to imagine being 16 turning 17, I’m at the beginning of my junior year of high school, my most exciting year of high school. Literally, some of my best memories are from my days as a 17-year-old junior in high school. 

Meanwhile, my 16-year-old daughter is packing for college and planning her graduation party for the week after she turns 17. Graduation? College? Already? That happened so fast! If I had listened to my wise friends and family who discouraged skipping kindergarten I would have one more year with her at home as a high school student. I could put off the inevitable heartbreak one more year. That’s the other reason this May is so significant to my motherhood. 

Apropos of Mother’s Day, here’s one problem with trying to relate my experience to my kid’s – my relationship with my own mother, may she rest in peace. I did not get along with my mother. The relationship was tumultuous. Therefore, we both couldn’t wait for me to graduate high school and move out. My friends all had contentious relationships with their moms, too, so I figured it was normal. So normal that I expected a contentious relationship with my own teenage daughter. And I expected we would both be ready for her to graduate and move out when the time came. So, when her preschool teacher recommended skipping kindergarten, I didn’t worry about how that would be rushing her out of the house, depriving me of one more year with her. Even when a friend explicitly asked me, “Do you realize you’ll have one less year with her at home?” In my distorted view of the future, those weren’t going to be happy years anyway! 

Imagine my dismay, then. Despite all expectations to the contrary, it turns out that my 16-year-old daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. I have no idea how it happened. I should probably thank her therapist. But I couldn’t ask for a better relationship with my teenager. The high school years have all been pretty great. 

Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t always perfect. We have definitely had our share of tumult and contentions. In fact, she was always a difficult kid. She never slept as an infant. She was a hyperactive, strong-willed toddler. Middle childhood was a nightmare with daily meltdowns. Then, middle-school during the pandemic? Forget high school graduation. I was ready to kick her out of the house then (hence, the therapist). 

So, it feels not just a blessing that my daughter is such a pleasant and easy teenager, but a miracle. As I count my daily blessings, I always start my gratitude list with her. 

When I think about her turning 17 at the end of this month and then graduating the next week, it literally takes me breath away. Every day I just wish I could save this time with her. I wish I could put this time with her in a bottle where it would stay safe for me to cherish forever. 

So, what’s a poor, grieving mother to do? What else can I do but savor each and every moment. Enjoy her while she’s here. How about I tell her? But what would I say? Since my own words fail me, I’ll rely on one of my all-time favorites, Jim Croce, to help me. 

“If I could make days last forever 

If words could make wishes come true 

I’d save every day like a treasure and then 

Again, I would spend them with you.” 

Happy Birthday, Baby! 

And happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. Don’t forget to join us May 10, and hear our stories live at the Bing! 

Amy McGarry grew up in Spokane Valley, Washington. After a 20 year hiatus, she moved back to Spokane Valley where she lives with her husband, daughter and two cats. She is the author of I am Farang: Adventures of a Peace Corps Volunteer in Thailand, available on Amazon.com.