by Kerry Schafer
I met an old friend in the grocery aisle at Super One last week.
Wait, let me rephrase that. She is not old, and neither am I. I meant “old friend” in the sense that we were friends in the past. Work friends, actually. And so, when I left the day job, we fell out of touch as so often happens with job-based friendships.
Our meeting in Super One was serendipitous.
That very morning, I woke up to an attack of the “shoulds.” This was certainly not my first go round with this insidious form of judgmental self-talk, and if you’re human, I’m willing to bet that you, too, have been the victim of an attack of the shoulds at some point in your life. Frankly, I’m surprised that nobody has yet (at least to my knowledge) made a horror movie about these nasty, little, inner demons.
Should attacks are never fun, but if you’re an overachieving, super slacker like me, they can be epic.
Your list, of course, will look different, but here is a snippet of mine from the other day:
• How is it possible to be so constantly busy and get so little actually accomplished? I should have gotten so much more done yesterday.
• My writing career. I should be writing so much faster. I should also write better and more successful books. I should be a New York Times number one bestseller! I should have a movie deal. Why haven’t I ever finished all of those books that I started and abandoned? What is wrong with me?
• I should exercise more often. Whatever happened to my yoga practice? I have friends who run marathons and I didn’t even walk the dogs yesterday.
• I should be working more paid hours in my business. And I should be teaching classes and making better use of all of that training I’ve paid for over the years.
I could go on, but I’m sure you get the point, and I want to move on to the serendipity part of encountering my old (but still young) work friend at Super One.
Before I tell you more, you must understand that this woman is one of the most cheerfully efficient people I have ever had the privilege to know. She could work circles around the rest of us (and we were all plenty busy) and make it look easy. There was definitely no sitting around scrolling social media or gossiping on the clock. But there were always more tasks than hours and it was impossible to get everything done.
Every now and then, when things would get particularly chaotic, she would laugh, throw her hands in the air and exclaim, “Super slacker!”
Obviously, there was no slacking going on, of either the ordinary or the super variety. And the irony of that phrase always made me laugh and feel better. It reminded me we were human. That there were only so many hours in a day. That we were doing the best we could under a lot of pressure.
If you also are a super slacker (aka overachiever) here are three tried and true methods for recovering from an attack of the super slacker shoulds:
Reframe the Shoulds: One of my favorite ways to shift out of this mindset (other than startling family members, pets, and unsuspecting strangers by unexpectedly shouting, “Super slacker!” at random intervals) is to keep a watchful eye out for any occurrence of the word “should.” If I hear myself say “should,” if I catch myself thinking “should,” I make a point of reframing that sentence. Why? Because “should” always comes with unpleasant tag-alongs like judgement and guilt. It doesn’t lend itself to action. And it’s really never helpful. By cutting out “should,” we’re forced into a much more helpful and actionable frame of mind.
For example, “I should do so-and-so” might become, “I’m going to do this thing,” or, alternately, “I choose not to do this now.” Another example might be “This task is on my radar.” Or, “Something I would like to do is…”
See how this shifts you either into action, planning, or releasing?
The Tada/To Done List: I learned this one from a fabulously creative woman named Jill Badonsky, the founder (foundress?) of Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coaching. She calls it “The TADA List.” I sometimes call mine the “To Done List,” but the concept is the same. And it’s easy. Instead of writing down all the things you want to do, or need to do, or should do, you take a few minutes to write down all the things you have already done.
This is an all-inclusive list, my over-achieving friends. It includes loading the dishwasher and wiping crumbs off the counter, along with every one of the 20 times you let the dogs in and out of the house. You can even count the times you located a perfectly visible item for your spouse, your children, or your boss, in addition to all the things that you normally would consider accomplishments.
Oh, and you get to break big projects down into steps. Don’t wait until an entire project is done before you add it to the list – you can add the completion of each step as you go. This really helps to not only bring some realism into your day and show that you really have accomplished things, it helps you gain some perspective on where your time is going when you’re busy but feel like you’re spinning your wheels.
Laugh at Yourself: When all else fails, poke a little fun at yourself. We’re all about rewriting the myth we’ve created that says we’re somehow supposed to be able to be all the things and do all the things and save the world while we’re at it. Try adding “Save the World” to your to-do list and remember to laugh at yourself when you fail to check it off at the end of the day.
Most importantly, remember to give yourself credit for small things: smiling at a stranger, hugging a child, petting a dog, or feeding your family (and yourself) because really, these are all small steps toward saving the world.
Colville resident Kerry Schafer (who also writes as Kerry Anne King) is the bestselling author of 15 novels, the co-host of “The One Happy Thing Podcast,” and a licensed mental health counselor. Find out more at allthingskerry.com.
