by Kerry Schafer
Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, “In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.”
I realize that we’ve got a long way to go before we get to spring, no matter how mild this winter has been (so far.) And chances are good that if you’re reading this, you’re not exactly young. Yet, all February long, your thoughts are going to be turned to thoughts of love every time you walk into a store. Or turn on the television. Or look at social media.
The entire month of February seems to be about Valentine’s Day. For the first half of the month, hearts and chocolate and flowers are everywhere. After February 14, the hearts and chocolate are still everywhere, now available at a deep discount.
Whether you are a romance enthusiast who adores all of this, or somebody a little more jaded, perhaps even a Valentine’s Day Scrooge who walks around muttering “bah humbug” or possibly other more creative epithets whenever you’re confronted by the commercialized love extravaganza, February is arguably the perfect month to open up to a little more love in your life.
Love feels good, right? You know what I mean; that warm, expansive sensation in your chest, the lightness in your step, and the song on your lips. The feeling that anything is possible, and along with it, the inspiration and momentum to create things and go on adventures.
Fortunately, we don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day and we don’t need to be “in love” with a special someone in order to feel all of those good feelings. We can find love everywhere all around us if we remember to look for it.
Think for a minute about all of the different loves you already have in your life. A child or a parent or a good friend. Your dog, cat, hamster, or other furry (or scaly) critter that invokes that feeling of love for you. Even the great outdoors – a spectacular moon, a sunrise, or sunset – can do it.
Here’s a tougher one: what about self love? Some of us struggle with this one. Maybe we don’t feel lovable, or we’ve even been taught to believe that loving ourselves is selfish or self-centered. On the contrary, learning to love ourselves makes us more able to love others, and therefore more open, more generous, and less selfish in the long run.
But what if your heart feels scarred, bruised, tight, and guarded? Maybe you’ve been hurt one time too many and that loving feeling is no more than a dim memory. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day (or week, or month) and anger or cynicism is much more accessible.
Whether you’re feeling a lot of love right now or it’s been a while, you might want to try this super easy heart opening breathing meditation. It won’t hurt, I promise, and you might end up feeling amazing.
Here’s what you do:
Find five minutes when you can be quiet and undisturbed such as in the car, in your bedroom, or in the bathroom. Silence your phone. Turn off the TV.
Place a hand over your heart and take a deep breath in through your nose, then breathe slowly out through your nose. Repeat.
Close your eyes if it’s safe and feels comfortable for you. This isn’t necessary, but it helps with focus.
Now, as you keep breathing those nice slow breaths in and out, imagine that you’re breathing in and out of your heart. Keep one of your hands resting over your heart as a physical reminder.
Bring into your mind a person, animal, or place that evokes the feeling of love for you. As you keep breathing in and out of your heart, focus on that feeling. Let it grow and expand.
Allow that feeling to move through your body as you breathe.
That’s it! That’s all there is to it. No fancy meditation process. All you need is your breath and your imagination. After you’ve practiced this a few times in quiet and solitude, it’s easy to employ in other busy places and stressful moments, like waiting in a long line at the grocery store, or while carpooling the kids, or even when you’re driving.
Maybe we can use all of February’s hearts and flowers as a reminder to open up to all of the other kinds of love out there. When you walk into the grocery store and see the Valentine’s display, when the ad pops into your email inbox or onto the TV, use it as a reminder to take a few deep breaths and let your heart open up, just for a minute. And then pass some of that feel-good energy on to the person in the line behind you, or the driver of the car in front of you, or yes, even the next idiot who really pushes your buttons.
You’ll feel better, and the world will be a little better too.
Colville resident Kerry Schafer (who also writes as Kerry Anne King) is the bestselling author of 15 novels, the co-host of The One Happy Thing Podcast, and a licensed mental health counselor. Find out more at www.allthingskerry.com.