by Kerry Schafer
Just for fun, let’s start this new year off with a little pop quiz – don’t worry, you can’t fail this one.
Which of the following is most like you when it comes to the idea of New Year’s resolutions:
Excited! A brand-new year means a brand-new slate, and I love the idea of resolutions!
Annoyed. This again? Has it really been a whole year since the last time we did this?
Guilty. I should resolve to do something, but I’ve failed to keep my resolutions so many times in the past that I honestly dread trying – and failing – again.
Dismissive. Bah, humbug. Jan. 1 is just another date on the calendar and the whole “new year” thing is essentially meaningless.
Personally, I’m a mix of everything but dismissive. I love the idea of a brand-new year, a clean slate, and the feeling of starting over fresh. But resolutions? No thank you, not for me. Yes, I’ve tried them. No, they did not work out well. Will power is not one of my strong suits. I’ve been one of those people who suddenly flooded into the gym at the first part of the year in a flurry of good intentions, only to drop off by the end of February (to the great relief of the regular gym-goers).
In the past, I’ve resolved to forswear sugar and to faithfully exercise, to be more organized and consistent, to meditate daily and write daily, and worry less. All of these resolutions landed me in a vague feeling of failure and inadequacy.
If you also have made resolutions and failed to keep them, welcome to a very large club of the Guilty and Inadequate. You are not alone. The majority of New Year’s resolutions fall by the wayside. Here are a few reasons why I think that is:
Resolutions are usually based in some sort of “should” oriented belief: I should be in better shape, I should be healthier, I should eat better, I should be more organized, I should be kinder, I should just be better all around. Any decision, action, or plan based on should has ties to guilt and/or trying to please somebody else. Guilt and people-pleasing are notoriously bad motivators.
Resolutions are often unrealistic. Basically, we set ourselves up for failure. No, we are not going to hit the gym every day, after years of not going to the gym at all. Even dedicated gym-goers miss a day every now and then because life happens. We’re probably not going to cut all sugar or fat or processed foods out of our diet for the rest of our lives. If, like me, you’ve got a long-time habit of clutter or not being organized, you’re not magically going to manage a consistent habit of perfect organization and zero clutter. I know from experience that I am not going to write every day, or meditate every day, or walk the dogs every day. Something is bound to come up to throw me off the Every Day Plan, and then guilt will creep in and derail forward progress.
Once we miss a day at the gym, or eat or drink the thing we swore off, or don’t do the thing we promised ourselves we were going to do, then we believe we’ve failed. Our perfect New Year with its clean slate is already sullied, we’ve fallen short, so we tell ourselves we might as well slip back into the old habits and admit that we are still the same flawed person that we were last year.
Stay with me here, there is good news. This shiny, sparkly new 2026 can yet be filled with better health and useful habits and new routines. We can meet wonderful new goals and become happier and more organized and productive. But I’ve learned over the years that it’s helpful to approach the year in a different sort of way.
Forget all of that nonsense you’ve been taught about the road to hell being paved with good intentions and know this: so is the road to positive change and personal growth. Intentions are a powerful mindset tool that can lead to wonderful results.
I love to sit down with a notebook or a journal on Jan. 1 and write out answers to some very helpful questions. Here are a few that you might consider trying out for yourself:
How do I want to feel this year? What actions or activities might lead to feeling that way?
When I arrive at Dec. 31 of 2026, what do I most want to have accomplished?
What would feel good and satisfying to pursue in the areas of my physical and mental health? Is there anything that would be fun, rather than drudgery?
What am I particularly grateful for in 2025?
What would I love to see more of in 2026?
Another fun exercise to help understand what you really would love to accomplish this year is a journaling variation of a visualizing technique used by athletes, public speakers, and other highly successful people to help them see and feel success in advance. It’s a powerful mindset process that helps us to shift into the mindset of possibility which is much more effective than guilt or “should” based motivation.
Imagine that it’s already the end of 2026, and you’re looking back at the year behind you. Take your pen and your paper, set a timer for five minutes, and write about your aspirations as if they have already happened, without stopping to pause or think until the time is up. Keep the pen moving. If you can’t think of anything to write, just write “I don’t know what to write” until something comes to you. Try one of these phrases to get started: “I’m so proud of myself for…” or “2026 was such an amazing year because…”
Read through what you’ve written, and you’ll likely have a much clearer focus and direction for the months ahead.
Here’s to a year full of happiness, love, and success!
Colville resident Kerry Schafer (who also writes as Kerry Anne King) is the bestselling author of 15 novels and the co-host of The One Happy Thing Podcast. Find out more at www.allthingskerry.com.