Kerry Schafer
By Kerry Schafer
Whatever you do, do not think about chocolate ice cream cones. Do not think about that cool creamy sweetness on a hot summer day. Do not think about catching that melted drip with your tongue before it spills over and runs down the cone. Don’t think about strawberry ice cream either, the good kind with the chunks of frozen strawberry. Or any kind of ice cream, for that matter. Do not, under any circumstances, think about ice cream at all…
I’m willing to bet that you’re thinking about ice cream right now. Even if you stop reading right this minute, set this paper aside and try your hardest not to think about ice cream, chances are pretty good that it will still be on your mind.
A friend texted me last week to ask, “How do I stop myself from getting sucked into a thought spiral of doom?” And what I told her is that it doesn’t work to try not to think about something. Just like that chocolate ice cream, the more you tell yourself not to think about it, the more your brain is going to get stuck on that thought.
One trick is to choose to focus on something else: thoughts, ideas, things and projects that are happier, better, more hopeful. This can be hard work at first, just like starting an exercise program at the gym. But if we practice, if we make the choice over and over and over again to think about more positive and hopeful things, the neurons in our brains will actually start rewiring themselves until our automatic tendency is to look for the bright side. Besides being happier (which is generally considered very good in itself) we may also make better decisions, have healthier relationships, and be more productive and creative when we have a positive mindset.
Last week, during a moment of weakness when I got sucked into doom scrolling on Instagram, a post caught my attention. It was simple. No video. No bells and whistles. Just these words, in a handwritten font:
“Things that are also happening in the world:
Someone gathered the courage to begin writing their first novel
Someone painted a flower
Someone sang in the car, full pelt, as loud as they could
Someone brewed an absolutely cracking cup of tea and relished every drop
Someone else baked a cake for a friend
Someone wrote a line of poetry that finally expressed what’s been hiding inside.” (@inspiredtowrite)
I found this post to be such a simple, profound, and powerful reminder of how we sometimes get so caught up in looking at what is going wrong that we are blind to all that is going right.
“But that’s reality,” you might say. “I’m not going to pretend that life is all rainbows and unicorns and lollipops when things really are dark and dismal.”
Bear with me for a minute. Imagine that you’re driving in your car and you turn on the radio. Your usual station is full of so much static and noise that you can barely hear the music. It’s a sound that sets your teeth on edge, but instead of adjusting the dial, you say, “It’s important to be aware that there is static in the world of radio. Enduring it builds character.” Or, “Life doesn’t always give us what we want. It’s good for me to listen to this, it will make me a better person. Other people are enduring static, it would be selfish of me to listen to something else.”
I think life is a lot like that radio dial. Choosing to change our focus isn’t as easy as tuning to another radio station, but the more we practice the easier it gets. Now, I’m not suggesting that we should all embrace ignorance of the world around us and live in a fairytale reality. What I am suggesting is that there are good people and good things all around us, right along with the bad, and it’s important to remember to see them.
Circling back to my thoughts on that Instagram post:
Yes, today somebody killed somebody, and somebody robbed somebody, and somebody was convicted of assault. There are big, scary fires burning across the state and the forests are dry, dry, dry. There are old wars going on, and new wars possibly starting, and people arguing and fighting and killing each other, and just generally a whole lot of ugliness out there.
AND.
As I write this, I am luxuriating in a mug of stellar coffee paired with homemade zucchini bread, thanks to the usual overly exuberant zucchini harvest. A content dog is stretched out by my feet, working on a bone. There’s a cat purring in my lap.
One morning last week, the dogs woke me early, and when I let them out, I caught a display of the Northern Lights. This morning, when I got up, the sky was full of stars. The air smelled clear and clean, and I heard owls calling to each other off in the distance. Right this minute, people all over the world are writing and reading books, and performing and listening to music, and creating or enjoying art. Others are harvesting the yield from the summer’s gardens or baking bread or preparing a delicious meal for loved ones. Somebody adopted an abandoned dog and is showering it with love and treats and offering it a forever home. Somebody hugged a child today and told her how much she was loved. A baby was born. Somebody fell in love.
And somebody, somewhere, right this moment is enjoying the cold, creamy deliciousness of a chocolate ice cream cone.
Colville resident Kerry Schafer (who also writes as Kerry Anne King) is the bestselling author of 14 novels and the co-host of The One Happy Thing Podcast. Find out more at www.allthingskerry.com