By Amy McGarry
N o v e m b e r is my birthday month. I don’t usually think much about my birthday unless it’s a milestone year, which this year is not. But as this birthday puts me ever so closer to my next milestone birthday of 60, I find myself reflecting on aging.
We’ve all heard that “age is a state of mind.” But humor me, please, as I play devil’s advocate with that one by starting with a personal anecdote.
In the past year or so, more than once, I have met someone new while I was with one or more of my sisters. These situations led to us sharing that we had six girls and one boy in our family. More than once, the new person has asked, “Who is the youngest?”
Ummmm….awkward silence, before a sister jumps in, “Oh, Amy is the baby of the family!” And then said sister adds what number she comes in the family order.
I am not only the baby, I am the youngest by a long shot. Double digits younger than all but one of my four living sisters. So, when someone asks, “Who is the youngest?”, clearly, it is not obvious to them that I am the youngest. Either I look old for my age, or my sisters look young for their ages, or a combination of both.
So how does one come to terms with looking old, when in your heart you feel like a teenager? Is age just a state of mind when you look older than your 58 years but in your heart you feel like a spring chicken?
I was recently talking about this with my sister, Shannon, who is certainly the one suspected of being the youngest. At almost 70, she colors her hair a youthful shade of brown with shiny golden highlights. She even styles it every day. She doesn’t have any wrinkles. She almost never leaves the house without at least some makeup on her face.
Meanwhile, I gave up on coloring my premature gray hair years ago and rarely style it. I lost some weight and got wrinkly. My youthful folly of daily sunbathing on the southern California beach has caught up to me. I chose my latest pair of eyeglasses based on comfort; after I got home, I realized they aged me 10 years. Except for the occasional splash of mascara, I can’t be bothered with makeup. I might have the heart of a spring chicken, but my choices leave me looking over the hill. But what’s really interesting, as I reflect on turning 58 this month, is how I’m starting to feel okay with being an old lady. In fact, I’m sometimes just a little envious of those women who came before me in the days before 70 became the new 50, and so on.
Take Edith Bunker, from the early 70s sitcom “All in the Family.” Edith Bunker was played by Jean Stapleton. who was 48 when the show premiered in 1971. Didn’t she seem like an “old” lady? Her character was clearly intended to come across that way, but my mom, aunts, grandma, and other women I knew in the 1970s definitely embraced being old ladies starting in their 40s. The way they dressed, their hair styles, their decidedly “un-coolness.” You would never have seen them at a rock concert when they were in their 40s. But have you been to a rock concert lately? The older the band, the older the audience, and I swear sometimes the majority are in their 70s.
As a side note, I have a friend who is turning 70 soon who refuses to go see his favorite band live in concert because “they look like a bunch of skeletons playing instruments on stage.” Maybe he’s thinking of that Grateful Dead “Touch of Gray” video where the band members actually are skeletons playing instruments on stage.
I could digress down a rabbit hole here on the cultural revolution of the 1960s and how that can be traced to the change in attitudes toward aging. I won’t. Because even though we age better these days, and are infinitely cooler than the elderly of 50 years ago, I will argue that some things remain the same about aging.
For example, the Progressive Insurance ad campaign called “Becoming Your Parents.” It features a fictional “parenta-life coach” named Dr. Rick who helps young homeowners stop accidentally adopting the annoying, aging habits of their parents. I, for one, am 100% guilty of some of these annoying habits, such as struggling with TV streaming apps and live sports access. In fact, that was my greatest concern about my daughter moving away to college. Who is going to help me with streaming apps and find my football game on Sunday?
Speaking of my daughter, she literally cringes every time she hears me start a sentence with “When I was young, we….” I remember rolling my eyes hearing the same from my parents.
But that’s the beauty of getting older. You get the pleasure of reminiscing about the “good old days.” Which leads me to my new favorite hobby – reading Jim Kershner’s “This Day in History” every morning in The Spokesman-Review. If you want some perspective on life as you age, looking back on history is a fun way to distance yourself from the turbulence of our world.
Speaking of the good old days, on this day 50 years ago “the Spokane Valley Chamber of Commerce officially expressed worry over the rise of pornographic businesses and adult-oriented enterprises in the valley.” This was because the Dishman Theater was showing XXX movies. More surprising to me, two local drive-in theaters were showing X-rated movies. Grandma and the aunties were surely clutching their pearls and straightening their polyester at that news. The headline read, “Chamber opposed to porno.” Another article a few months back reported that Spokane was investing taxpayer money in the fight against pornography, which, in 1976, was found in adult bookstores. Ah, the good old days. I wonder what the chamber in 1976 would think about the internet pornography of 2026.
Almost every headline from the Spokesman-Review 100 years ago details the evils of the “soda joints” or “soft drink establishments” in Spokane that were fronts for liquor “resorts” during prohibition, which lasted from 1920-1933. But on Oct. 21, 1926, another moral affront was in the headlines – an undercover investigator had discovered “a large ‘gambling resort’ was operating within four blocks of Spokane police headquarters.” The investigator left after losing $4. I wonder if his luck would have been better or worse at one of our legal local casinos. The good old days indeed.
The next day the headline read, “Seize $10,000 in Booze” and went on to detail that “bullets flew.” Man, what it would have been like to live in Spokane in 1926.
When I think back on my youth, I never wanted to get old. Sure, I was vain. But mostly, it didn’t look very fun to me. Meanwhile, my auntie Lavonna, one of those who seemed so old back in the 70s, just celebrated her 91st birthday. She has as much fun as anyone I know. Sometimes even in a casino. What’s more, she’s decidedly very cool.
Yes, it bothered me at first that I don’t look like I am the youngest sister, that my much older sisters look younger than me. But maybe the best part of aging is a distinct loss in vanity. So, for insinuating that I don’t look the youngest? In the famous words of my mother, may she rest in peace, “Tell someone who gives a…. darn.”
Amy McGarry grew up in Spokane Valley, Washington. After a 20 year hiatus, she moved back to Spokane Valley where she lives with her husband, daughter and two cats. She is the author of I am Farang: Adventures of a Peace Corps Volunteer in Thailand, available on Amazon.com.
